*Insert “It’s been 84 years” Titanic gif here*
Hello, hope everyone is well! I haven’t posted in almost two weeks due to laziness and because I am now back at University. I have moved out of halls and into a house for my second year…with all girls…yeah tensions are rising already. So it is safe to say that I have been fairly busy. Also I’ve gone all extra and had a logo AND a header made by the lovely @sccldesigns on Twitter/Instagram. Highly recommend her and she’s so easy to work with! Anyway, let’s jump right in, shall we?!
I have been thinking about forgiveness A LOT recently and whether or not it is okay to change your mind once you have forgiven somebody. Recently, I have spent some time being very angry with myself for being too forgiving in certain situations. If you were to speak to my closest friends, they would all tell you that I am too forgiving. Unfortunately it’s true; I am that person who will forgive over and over to the point of where I pretty much lose all self-respect. I struggle to cut people off because being cut off myself is one of my biggest fears. I struggle to understand how people can just easily cut people out completely. I believe that forgiveness is a strength but it is something that can be taken advantage of if you are too generous. I am going to be sharing one of my major experiences with forgiveness and taking back forgiveness.
I am not going to identify this person as I will get a strongly worded text message and a whole heap of shit flung at me (think of the scene in ‘Trainspotting’ with the bed sheet – google it if you don’t get this reference lol sorry in advance) if they ever find this blog. Let’s call this person, A. Just to clarify, I do not hate, A. In fact, I still care for, A deeply and perhaps always will but at the same time, I dislike the person that they became. A, is not a bad person; deep down they have a lot of good within them. They just have a lot of growth and maturing to do. A, hurt me a lot; made up lies about me and I saw some texts which were about myself that had been sent to one of my “friends”. I confronted, A and they apologised…I, of course forgave them despite being DEVASTATED. I continued to stay in touch with, A and all they did was let me down repeatedly. I was so scared of not having, A in my life that I felt that I had to keep forgiving them just because I remembered the good times. No matter how many times they screwed me over or how the whole situation made me such a wreck, I continued to keep them in my life. The idea of having no contact was just foreign to me. I could feel myself losing all of the progress I had made with handling my emotions and mental health. I allowed them to keep playing with my emotions. “Big mistake. Big. HUGE” (best scene in a film EVER! I am such a loser).
Fast forward to three months later, I now have zero contact with, A. They did not deserve all of the chances I gave them. Although, I know that they did not deserve the chances, I still forgive them for the things they said and did but I do not forgive the fact that they took advantage of me afterwards. I take back all forgiveness I gave after the first offence. That’s all the information I can give for now regarding that situation. It may be an entire blog post of it’s own as the whole thing was rather fucked up. I know that some of this may sound contradictory but our perceptions change once we have time to, take a step back, heal and mentally revisit situations with a clear head; you see the signs and motives that you didn’t see at the time. All I can say is that, it really isn’t worth keeping people in your life if they treat you like shit and have zero respect for you. As cheesy as this sounds, life really is too short to be miserable just because you’re keeping people who have many shitty qualities in your life.
It is okay to take back forgiveness. We often forgive when we haven’t had time to digest the situation and think things through. Depending on the magnitude of the issue, time is needed to decide on how you really feel and how to approach the issue. Forgiveness isn’t to be rushed; take your time. If you rush forgiveness, you may find yourself in a cycle of confusion and allowing yourself to be walked all over. “Forgive and forget”, isn’t always best. It can be best to just forgive and then walk away for good without looking back.
Comment below with your experiences and thoughts! Is it okay to take back forgiveness? Or once you’ve forgiven somebody there’s no turning back?