Positivity

Hello and Happy New Year! Yes, I know that it’s February and it is now socially unacceptable to be wishing people a HNY but this is my first blog post of 2019, so I am making it acceptable on this occasion. So anyway to the point, this will be a short one. So recently I have realised just how much of a negative outlook I have on situations and just on life in general. Those of you who know me personally are probably chuckling in disbelief at the fact that I have only just realised this huge personality trait of mine. Many people around me often find this trait comical as it is so ridiculous but at times draining, especially for my friends who are optimists. I am so sorry, thank you for putting up with me, ha! I REALLY can’t help it! I am what you call a true pessimist, I ALWAYS assume the worst. I would say that 90% of the time I don’t even realise that I am being so negative and sometimes, down-right delusional with my doom and gloom predictions for situations that have a very slim chance of happening. This is a flaw in which I have unfortunately inherited from my father; in contrast to my mother who will consistently believe that her glass is half full rather than half empty…Penelope, your glass is half empty and you cannot tell me any different! Lance agrees.

Now of course I haven’t been completely oblivious to my pessimistic ways, that would be quite a hard thing to miss even for me! I have always known that I am a pessimist but I would always argue that pessimism was just realism. It is not. According to Lindsey Lazarte, “Attitude and perspective is everything. If you’re a pessimist, then you have negative thoughts that won’t go away no matter what the odds are. If you’re a realist, you are just coming to terms and accepting a situation rather than feeling like it was yours or someone else’s fault.” [https://www.bolde.com/fine-line-between-realism-pessimism/]. My head is just filled with negativity which takes forever to subside; it is almost impossible for me to think rationally. I just think, woe is me and I place a lot of blame upon myself. Now I know that I am contradicting the quote above, If you’re a realist, you are just coming to terms and accepting a situation – I currently sound like a realist because I am accepting my flaws right? Wrong. In this very post I am being as fake as Kim Kardashian’s arse. I am actively trying to be rid of my pessimistic ways; I am faking it until I make it. My palms are sweating and my eye is twitching.

So, I have pretty much abandoned all of my resolutions for 2019, however, I do want to at least attempt to become more positive in my way of thinking. I have no idea how to conquer my quest (might have to go to a hypnotist at this rate) but I am going to have a good go at being more optimistic. I guess I should start off with baby steps such as, I WILL make it to the bus stop on time, even though I am at the other end of a very long street and I can see the bus in the distance, speeding towards the stop whilst I attempt to cross a very busy road at rush-hour whilst trying not to get killed. I WILL do better than initially expected on that assignment where I was under the word count. I WILL one day go a whole month without a drop of alcohol. Not to backtrack or anything but, I think I might be pushing it now.

Does anyone else have this ghastly pessimistic personality also? If so please drop a comment below, it would make me feeling much better about myself.

All the best,

Liv xoxo

 

 

It’s been a while…2018…2019 and healthy relationships

It’s been a while…2018…2019 and healthy relationships

Hello, I hope you are all well! November is now at a close and this is my first and only post for this month! I have been neglecting my writing recently. I haven’t had much motivation to write anything interesting or useful to others. This post itself isn’t going to be anything special as I have done ZERO planning; I just feel like writing. It is currently 01:45 am and my brain is extremely active as I am drowning in deadlines and just my thoughts are just going round and round in my head. It’s exhausting. I can’t shut it up. So, I thought why not briefly write about this year and what I want to get out of 2019!

This year has been full of up and downs. The past few months for me have been the best months of this year for me. My anxiety has mostly been bearable. Thus, I have been able to think/act more rationally and be kinder to myself. Looking back at how I was a year ago to even just 6 months ago shocks me. I cannot believe that I tortured myself using my own mind and by allowing people to treat me badly. Fast forward to now, my mind is a lot clearer than it was and I now have the emotional ability to be civil with those that have tried to worm their way back into my life but that’s as far as it goes…civil…as in:

“Hey, you good?”

*8 hours later*

“Yes, things are going well. Hope everything is going well with you too!”

“Yeah, things are good. Blah blah blah”

“Glad to hear it. All the best, seeya.”

And sometimes the conversation goes like this:

*incomprehensible drunk text message*

*read*

Aaand I go about my day not bothering to entertain them. I still have my bad days and yes I still wallow in the past but I now know that life is so much better and easier once you put in what you get out of people. Do not allow yourself to be the one who is always making the effort. Do not allow someone to call all of the shots. They will lose respect for you and quite frankly you will have no respect for yourself. Once you surround yourself with people who treat you the way you should be treated and you look back at your past friendships and relationships, it shocks you. In fact, it actually shits me up. People scare me. They can switch and turn on you in a nanosecond. So it is important that you try your best to have your eyes wide open and NEVER EVER lose composure (Well, never in front of them anyway!) if it all goes tits up. You will only feel like a twat in the long run. It really isn’t worth the stress.

I hope that in 2019 I will be able to maintain my current healthy relationships and state of mind. I also hope that I can stay out of my overdraft but let’s be honest, that’s not happening! Usually at the end of every year, I am constantly thinking of everything that I want to achieve and change but this year the list is relatively short. I will expand more on this around New Year time as I feel that a New Year’s Resolution post will be more fitting once we are actually in December! I just want to be able to keep my head and adopt healthy habits. That is pretty much all I ask of 2019. I also hope that in 2019, Cowboy boots do not become a thing again. It didn’t work when they were back in 2009 (yes, I had a pair as Hannah Montana was undoubtedly my aesthetic at the time but thankfully only wore them twice as they really hurt my feet) and it will not work in 2019!

October marks a year single!

Hello, hope you are all well! This is my first October blog post. In fact, I haven’t posted in just under a month. For the past 3 weeks, I haven’t been well. Initially I had norovirus and had to go home. Once my virus had cleared up, I was just left with a horrible cold. I am now just left with an annoying dry cough and the occasional snotty nose (why the fuck am I writing about snot?). So yes, for almost a month I haven’t been able to do much…I’ve only just started snorting wine again. I have also set some posts to private as I am a bit paranoid that certain people may find them and discover that I am running this blog. I also don’t think they’re that great. So, my blog is a bit bare right now. Hopefully I will start posting a lot more.

At this very moment, I should be writing about, the key economic and political events during 1900-1946 but y’know priorities. Plus, I am really not in the fucking mood as I currently have my hormone monster with me (if you don’t watch Big Mouth you really should – it’s on Netflix and it makes me HOWL. It is so fucking stupid) so I am PMS’ing like a bitch. Anyway, enough rambling, (this is probably going to be a ramble-y post and all over the place) today I want to talk about what I have learned during my single year; here we go!

So for those of you who follow me and read my previous blog posts, you might recall that I was head over heels with my ex and went through a very hard time mentally during the break up. For those of you who don’t, I will de-privatise the now unavailable posts soon and I will probably write about it again but basically, I was a complete mess and he wasn’t very kind to me in the aftermath. It took a long time to start healing and even now that a year has passed I still haven’t 100% bounced back as I still think about the situation a lot. That’s not because I still love him. It’s because the entire ordeal knocked me so drastically. It was hard to bounce back. This year has taught me a lot and it hasn’t been very kind to me. I have learned a lot of harsh lessons but I look back on them now and although I believe that I did not deserve 80% of these harsh lessons, they were perhaps something that I needed. I usually try and dodge situations and emotions but this year it was just impossible; something within me just broke. I know it’s cliché but, I didn’t understand the person I was and I didn’t like that person. I didn’t know how to be by myself and I look back now and I admit that perhaps that was what I was mostly upset about during the break up. It is hard being alone when you have been used to being with someone. It was very difficult to get moving again and to start living my life to benefit myself and nobody else. I feel like I have only recently been able to do this within the past few months and honestly it is amazing how great I feel in comparison to how I felt for the last few months of last year and for the first half of this year.

Enough of the morbid stuff…here’s a list of the things I have learned and been able to do single:

  • Go for a night out and not have anybody moaning at me for my dress/skirt being too short aka looking good.
  • Go on dates! I have started talking/seeing someone but it’s not official. I am still single but… perhaps not for long so I had to make this post now – just in case!
  • It is okay to be alone.
  • It is okay to be VERY single aka not speaking to anyone.
  • It is okay to want to be single.
  • It is okay to not have your ex in your life.
  • You don’t owe your ex shit.
  • Do not allow people to click their fingers and do not, I repeat, DO NOT go running to them…DON’T! They don’t respect you if they are leading you on.
  • You shouldn’t forgive everyone; some really do not deserve it.
  • Stand up for yourself.
  • It is okay to have bad days.
  • It is most definitely okay to stalk an ex (online obviously).
  • It’s normal to be curious to what they are up to nowadays.
  • It’s normal to feel guilty.
  • I can do whatever I want with my hair without having to care what anyone thinks.
  • It is not okay to be in a relationship where you often walk on egg shells.
  • Knowing exactly what you want in your next relationship.
  • Not to feel guilty or ashamed of your achievements.
  • Family will constantly ask you about your love life at the worst possible times.
  • You will want to punch your nan when she asks if you are seeing someone.

This of course isn’t everything I have learned as the list would be far too long. When you’re in a relationship it is easy and quite normal to get wrapped up in that person. There is no telling you that maybe things aren’t quite right and that you might not get married, move to the French countryside and have three beautiful children: Arabella, Louis and Frederick (I would call him, Freddie obviously. I don’t want a child that is born in a cape and crown all ready for his coronation!). When you get so comfortable, you can’t bear to think of the possibility that that person one day may no longer be in your life. I am not saying that you can’t be filled with bliss during a relationship. I am just saying that if things do not work out it is not the end of the world. Everything in the end will be okay. It may take a while but you will be okay. I believe that being single after being in a relationship is a good thing in terms of growth and experiencing new things. I can’t wait to see what the future brings!

How do you guys feel about being single? Leave a comment to let me know!

Liv xoxo

IS IT EVER OKAY TO TAKE BACK FORGIVENESS?

*Insert “It’s been 84 years” Titanic gif here*

Hello, hope everyone is well! I haven’t posted in almost two weeks due to laziness and because I am now back at University. I have moved out of halls and into a house for my second year…with all girls…yeah tensions are rising already. So it is safe to say that I have been fairly busy. Also I’ve gone all extra and had a logo AND a header made by the lovely @sccldesigns on Twitter/Instagram. Highly recommend her and she’s so easy to work with! Anyway, let’s jump right in, shall we?!

I have been thinking about forgiveness A LOT recently and whether or not it is okay to change your mind once you have forgiven somebody. Recently, I have spent some time being very angry with myself for being too forgiving in certain situations. If you were to speak to my closest friends, they would all tell you that I am too forgiving. Unfortunately it’s true; I am that person who will forgive over and over to the point of where I pretty much lose all self-respect. I struggle to cut people off because being cut off myself is one of my biggest fears. I struggle to understand how people can just easily cut people out completely. I believe that forgiveness is a strength but it is something that can be taken advantage of if you are too generous. I am going to be sharing one of my major experiences with forgiveness and taking back forgiveness.

I am not going to identify this person as I will get a strongly worded text message and a whole heap of shit flung at me (think of the scene in ‘Trainspotting’ with the bed sheet – google it if you don’t get this reference lol sorry in advance) if they ever find this blog. Let’s call this person, A. Just to clarify, I do not hate, A. In fact, I still care for, A deeply and perhaps always will but at the same time, I dislike the person that they became. A, is not a bad person; deep down they have a lot of good within them. They just have a lot of growth and maturing to do. A, hurt me a lot; made up lies about me and I saw some texts which were about myself that had been sent to one of my “friends”. I confronted, A and they apologised…I, of course forgave them despite being DEVASTATED. I continued to stay in touch with, A and all they did was let me down repeatedly. I was so scared of not having, A in my life that I felt that I had to keep forgiving them just because I remembered the good times. No matter how many times they screwed me over or how the whole situation made me such a wreck, I continued to keep them in my life. The idea of having no contact was just foreign to me. I could feel myself losing all of the progress I had made with handling my emotions and mental health. I allowed them to keep playing with my emotions. “Big mistake. Big. HUGE” (best scene in a film EVER! I am such a loser).

Fast forward to three months later, I now have zero contact with, A. They did not deserve all of the chances I gave them. Although, I know that they did not deserve the chances, I still forgive them for the things they said and did but I do not forgive the fact that they took advantage of me afterwards. I take back all forgiveness I gave after the first offence. That’s all the information I can give for now regarding that situation. It may be an entire blog post of it’s own as the whole thing was rather fucked up. I know that some of this may sound contradictory but our perceptions change once we have time to, take a step back, heal and mentally revisit situations with a clear head; you see the signs and motives that you didn’t see at the time. All I can say is that, it really isn’t worth keeping people in your life if they treat you like shit and have zero respect for you. As cheesy as this sounds, life really is too short to be miserable just because you’re keeping people who have many shitty qualities in your life.

It is okay to take back forgiveness. We often forgive when we haven’t had time to digest the situation and think things through. Depending on the magnitude of the issue, time is needed to decide on how you really feel and how to approach the issue. Forgiveness isn’t to be rushed; take your time. If you rush forgiveness, you may find yourself in a cycle of confusion and allowing yourself to be walked all over. “Forgive and forget”, isn’t always best. It can be best to just forgive and then walk away for good without looking back.

Comment below with your experiences and thoughts! Is it okay to take back forgiveness? Or once you’ve forgiven somebody there’s no turning back?

Liv xoxo