Hello, I hope you are all well! November is now at a close and this is my first and only post for this month! I have been neglecting my writing recently. I haven’t had much motivation to write anything interesting or useful to others. This post itself isn’t going to be anything special as I have done ZERO planning; I just feel like writing. It is currently 01:45 am and my brain is extremely active as I am drowning in deadlines and just my thoughts are just going round and round in my head. It’s exhausting. I can’t shut it up. So, I thought why not briefly write about this year and what I want to get out of 2019!
This year has been full of up and downs. The past few months for me have been the best months of this year for me. My anxiety has mostly been bearable. Thus, I have been able to think/act more rationally and be kinder to myself. Looking back at how I was a year ago to even just 6 months ago shocks me. I cannot believe that I tortured myself using my own mind and by allowing people to treat me badly. Fast forward to now, my mind is a lot clearer than it was and I now have the emotional ability to be civil with those that have tried to worm their way back into my life but that’s as far as it goes…civil…as in:
“Hey, you good?”
*8 hours later*
“Yes, things are going well. Hope everything is going well with you too!”
“Yeah, things are good. Blah blah blah”
“Glad to hear it. All the best, seeya.”
And sometimes the conversation goes like this:
*incomprehensible drunk text message*
Aaand I go about my day not bothering to entertain them. I still have my bad days and yes I still wallow in the past but I now know that life is so much better and easier once you put in what you get out of people. Do not allow yourself to be the one who is always making the effort. Do not allow someone to call all of the shots. They will lose respect for you and quite frankly you will have no respect for yourself. Once you surround yourself with people who treat you the way you should be treated and you look back at your past friendships and relationships, it shocks you. In fact, it actually shits me up. People scare me. They can switch and turn on you in a nanosecond. So it is important that you try your best to have your eyes wide open and NEVER EVER lose composure (Well, never in front of them anyway!) if it all goes tits up. You will only feel like a twat in the long run. It really isn’t worth the stress.
I hope that in 2019 I will be able to maintain my current healthy relationships and state of mind. I also hope that I can stay out of my overdraft but let’s be honest, that’s not happening! Usually at the end of every year, I am constantly thinking of everything that I want to achieve and change but this year the list is relatively short. I will expand more on this around New Year time as I feel that a New Year’s Resolution post will be more fitting once we are actually in December! I just want to be able to keep my head and adopt healthy habits. That is pretty much all I ask of 2019. I also hope that in 2019, Cowboy boots do not become a thing again. It didn’t work when they were back in 2009 (yes, I had a pair as Hannah Montana was undoubtedly my aesthetic at the time but thankfully only wore them twice as they really hurt my feet) and it will not work in 2019!